Has there ever been a day that you’ve felt things between you and your partner just didn’t align? You don’t understand them and they don’t understand you? Well let’s talk about a term you may not have considered to be relevant within your relationship.
The term is…Wait for it…
Attunement (And the crowd goes wild)!!!!
As defined in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the term attunement is defined as:
- the act of being aware and responsive
- To bring into harmony
Well, if you ask us, this is an important characteristic to have within a relationship. It is the ability for individuals to be connected and harmonious with one another. And for the sake of maintaining intimacy between you and your partner, it is a necessity. During interactions one may recognize the thoughts, feelings, and nonverbal communication of another. When things are going well, we tend to show appreciation towards our partners that understand us. However, there may be an instance when one partner may be more attuned than the other? And then the fairy tales, rainbows, unicorns, and sparkles begin to disappear.
So, what happens when couples aren’t attuned?
Many of our couples reach out for coaching because they “just can’t seem to get it right” (their words, not ours) with their partners. We often think we’re good at picking up on how our partner is feeling but there may be times when we may not address our partners emotions for the sake of avoiding an argument. The phrase no news is good news does not apply when speaking of attunement. A large part of the work to repair a relationship involves learning how to have disagreements in a way that it does not destroy the relationship or our partners. Attunement with your partner can happen.
Our Top 5 Tips for Working Towards Attunement
- Be Honest: Any issues you avoid will likely undermine your relationship. Be intentional.
- Don’t Assume: One of the biggest problems in relationships is assuming that your partner knows what’s wrong. Use the “Tell Culture” strategy. This is a strategy where you are open and honest with close people in your life about your feelings, thoughts, and what’s going on with you.
- Check in: How are you doing? How is your partner? Try this at least once a week if every night is too overwhelming.
- Respect Boundaries: If your partner isn’t ready to talk, give them space, but do revisit when both of you are ready and willing to share.
- PRACTICE EMOTIONAL ATTUNEMENT: Wait what? Isn’t this what the blog is about!? Yes.. We know… But we also know that practice makes perfect. As you communicate with each other, don’t only listen to what the other person is saying, but also to the emotions underneath the words. Pay attention to the tone of the voice, body language, and what is not being said, as well as the content of the words.
To learn more about building these skills and communicating with your partner more effectively, call 713.331.6106 or Book your consult here: