B is for Bull
Bullshit, that is…
Actually, the Bullshit of entering into new relationships…
I probably could have chosen a better title for this… But, BULLSHIT fits perfectly!
I’ve known people to cringe at the thought of starting a new relationship. But why? Not all, but most of us refer back to the bullshit we’ve dealt with in past relationships. We go into new things with our barriers up and our warning lights blinking because we’ve been wronged in the past. How can we move forward when we’re still carrying so much hurt and heartbreak from our previous relationships?
3 (not really!) things you may want to consider when you’re entering into a new relationship.
Are you ready? Like, really ready?
Think about a few reasons as to why you’re ready to enter into a new relationship.
Are you ready for the sacrifices, the energy, the effort?
Am I trying to distract myself from other problems going on?
Our hearts may be ready for a relationship but our lives are not.
Do you have the time? Remember to make good choices!
Are you looking for intimacy or sextimacy (the act of building intimacy through hastened sex)? Knowing the difference is a must and should be conveyed to your new partner.
Have you done the work?
Have I healed? Relationship Trauma and Relationship PTSD are very real things.
Are they red flags or is your fight or flight activated because of previous relationship bullshit?
Have you made peace with your past?
Do you understand yourself emotionally and sexually?
If you have not done the work of understanding yourself emotionally and sexually, you will likely enter romantic relationships from an emotionally dependent place. You may enter into a relationship in hopes that someone else will know how to understand you and make you happy. You should be in the space of knowing exactly what it is you want and being able to communicate this to your new partner.
Trying new things and having new experiences are important!
There are times when we leave relationships and the popular belief is “I gotta do me.” “I gotta focus on me”. We call Bullshit!!!!! Kidding! While this is true, we find it equally important to spend time with other people and creating new experiences so that you can really know it is you like and dislike. Work on yourself through developing greater emotional and sexual self-awareness. At the same time, you need new relationships with romantic partners and friends to truly know yourself.
Have I started making excuses about why it won’t work?
I don’t have time.
They talk funny.
Their name is weird.
Why do they chew like that? (And I’m not talking about my peeps that struggle with misophonia because this shit is VERY REAL!)
Healthy relationships are not going to be perfect all of the time. It’s about knowing the value of the person you have in front of you and leaving the bullshit behind. Your last relationship may have ended because of unpreparedness, miscommunication, and lack of loyalty to each other. Leave that bullshit behind.
Do you have what it takes to start a relationship and make it healthy?